Reclaiming Your Identity: Six Empowering Steps for Self-Rediscovery After Becoming a New Mama

rediscovering self, new mama, reclaim identity, self re-discovery, practices, tools, ideas

New life is born. This is something magnificent to celebrate. To sit in reverence for the divine, and for Nature’s gifts and cycles…

However, something not often talked about is the transition into motherhood…the acknowledgement and mourning of what is gone. The sacrifice made for a new life. Something dies while simultaneously something new is born. There is a law of exchange, for we live in a Universe that seeks balance. With every inhale, there is an exhale. This exchange, this transferred energy is through which balance is achieved. Creating, birthing, and raising new life into the world is a transfer of mothers physical, mental, emotional, spiritual energy, and she is forever changed. 

This is a great and welcome self sacrifice. And we know you wouldn’t have it any other way, for we learn what love truly means. It's the greatest, most rewarding purpose on the planet… while at the same time the most challenging. Especially if we get caught unprepared and unsupported.

There is a change of identity as an individual. Our sense of identity often comes from choices we make that reflect who we are and what we value in life. After a baby, these choices, values, and priorities may shift and sometimes our sense of self too. At the core, you’re still you, a more evolved you. You may need time and space to rediscover your new self, mama. There are many positive things you can do to embrace this process of discovery. 

Give yourself permission to grieve

It's completely normal to miss parts of yourself or life before baby. All the feelings you experience are valid and come to the surface to be expressed and felt. There is nothing to be ashamed of. This does not mean you don’t love your baby or your new role as a mother. Allowing these emotions to rise, to be felt and expressed, will allow them to pass and help you get to the other side of them and step more fully into your new role as a mother. 

Remember you

It's important to make yourself a priority. You still exist and you still matter. Showing up for yourself helps you show up as a better person, partner and mother. Start incorporating things that matter to you… working out, reading, taking a dance class, whatever it may be that brings you joy, schedule it into your day and do it. Perhaps you’ll discover new passions, hobbies, and self care practices along the way that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Call upon family members and close friends to allow you to carve some time for yourself. For many, it’s hard to ask for help…but I promise that the people in your life are looking for ways to help!

Gratitude prayer or journal

The antidote for painful or fear based feelings is gratitude. Focusing on things you're grateful for and getting your body moving are the quickest route to changing your mindset and emotional state. We cannot be grateful and simultaneously be angry, anxious, or depressed. Take some time to think about, or journal specific moments/things/relationships that you're grateful for, big or small. Connect to that joy and love and do it every single day. Then notice how your day is different.

Lean into your community

Ask for help, it's okay to take a break. The saying “it takes a village” demonstrates the support it takes to raise children and time and space for moms to adjust to this new chapter. Take time to connect with others, it can really help by spending time with the people who know you best. Meet up in person, call a friend, make new mom friends, and be honest with how you’re feeling and I would bet afterwards your spirits will be elevated. Relief is on the other side of courage.

Reconnect with your partner

We make time to bond with the baby, we make time for ourselves, let's remember to take time to reconnect with our partner. Carving out time for dates, being intimate, or simply being alone together can strengthen and breathe life back into the loving and fun dynamic as partners, lovers and friends. 

It is a joyous and sometimes challenging dance to meet your own needs while also caring for your baby. It may take some adjusting to get into the new rhythm and groove…After all it took 9 months to grow your baby! Finding yourself again might take some time. Time and intention is the name of the game. Please remember that we are always evolving, growing and changing. This period is no different, there is simply a new layer to our already multifaceted selves. Let’s view and embrace the transformation as a liberating and defining experience. Let's honor who we were before becoming a mother, and reconnect with who we are now, a new version of ourselves. May you find peace, comfort, support, and ease in this new stage of life. You’re doing amazing.